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Posted by Neversoft on 10-13-2006 08:49 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by dave00
Dear Neversoft

Recently i broke my left Arm and im unable to Power-Wank I have tried using my right hand but it just dont feel right. Also for my wife its that time of the month and i cant accept handjobs/blow jobs cause this makes me fucking angry that she wont contemplate letting me ride her while shes on the rags. Is there an answer to my dilema? Is it perverted to buy a substitute like a stand in for a while

You can't accept hand jobs or blow jobs!!!? Other than thinking "What's wrong with dave00?" I'm also contemplating getting your wife seriously drunk or slipping her some GHB in her coffee. Either that or suggest anal (you being the giver, not the receiver... ok?)

__________________
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people actually enjoy gang rape.

Posted by Neversoft on 10-13-2006 08:58 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by kimmy
Dear mr neversoft.. i've always wondered why when i do big steaming poo poo i see undigested corn in my poo. why doesnt my bowels completley digest all the corn in my poo poo.. and the next question i've always wondered why whenever you "woof the cookies ' there's always carrots... and i havent had any of these orange cuntys for 6 months.. please explain?? uncle ns

Sweetcorn has a cellulose hust whick you cannot digest and therefore it "protects" the interior as well. If you chew it thoroughly, it'll get digested with the exception of the skin.

Also, it's not carrot, its bits of your stomach lining... It just looks like carrot

__________________
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people actually enjoy gang rape.

Posted by Neversoft on 10-13-2006 09:02 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by Dwaggy
DEAR NEVERSOFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

HELP MY TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT KEY IS STTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTUCK HOW DO I FIX ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Wedge a screwdriver under then key and apply a small amount of leaverage to pop it off. Now, get a cotton swab with a small amount of ethanol or cd/tape head cleaner and clean out any gunk, pubes or cookies that were stuck under the key. Now give the key a good wash in soapy water, dry it and click it back into place.

PRO-TIP: If you're power-wanking in front of the PC a wise purchase would be a rubber keyboard to prevent "splashes" and pubes from being an issue in the first place.

__________________
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people actually enjoy gang rape.

Posted by Spank on 10-16-2006 12:43 AM:

dear NeverSoft,

i recently acquire 57 gmaeloft games for my K800i...only they are in .pak format, how do i use them (if its possible)....and if i cant use them...any chance of that 1000 java games you *might* have lying aroudn the place?

__________________
Im The Daddy!

Posted by Neversoft on 10-16-2006 02:56 AM:

quote:
Originally posted by Spank
dear NeverSoft,

i recently acquire 57 gmaeloft games for my K800i...only they are in .pak format, how do i use them (if its possible)....and if i cant use them...any chance of that 1000 java games you *might* have lying aroudn the place?

Copy them to your memory card then browse to that location on the phone and execute them... They should then install to the phone.

On your second question, some of them are probably copyrighted, so I'd better not

__________________
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people actually enjoy gang rape.

Posted by Paul Skinback on 10-16-2006 08:14 PM:

Dear Neversoft,
Is there anyway to play n-gage games on a Symbian S60v3 phone, or have there been any releases of this type?

__________________

quote:
Originally posted by Neversoft
try thinking of ATI as Christina Aguilera and Nvidia as Christina Aguilera in the "Dirty" video

Posted by Pickles on 10-17-2006 01:47 PM:

Dear NeverSoft,

Is it okay to power wank in a tube sock? I find myself sneaking off into the bathroom, b/c the wife won't allow it, power wanking in socks all the time as of late.

Also, as I am sure you are a seasoned pro, can you offer any tips for my dillema?

Posted by Neversoft on 10-17-2006 02:24 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by Paul Skinback
Dear Neversoft,
Is there anyway to play n-gage games on a Symbian S60v3 phone, or have there been any releases of this type?

Not as far as my vast intellect knows, no

__________________
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people actually enjoy gang rape.

Posted by Neversoft on 10-17-2006 02:32 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by Pickles
Dear NeverSoft,

Is it okay to power wank in a tube sock? I find myself sneaking off into the bathroom, b/c the wife won't allow it, power wanking in socks all the time as of late.

Also, as I am sure you are a seasoned pro, can you offer any tips for my dillema?

Your wife wont allow you to wank or just wank into socks? I'm a little confused but if it's the former you need to address that situation.

Ensure your wife is aware of this fact: Most people wank, those who say they don't are either freaks or liars. If your wife objects to your wanking then you need to get her to be more like a whore and less like a bitch so you wank less.

If it's the latter, why not get some of those rubbish condoms from a "Pound Shop" I wouldn't trust one to stop my demon seed from fertilising some wenches eggs but they should be good enough to catch some spaff.

__________________
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people actually enjoy gang rape.

Posted by Vampire on 10-19-2006 12:18 AM:

Dear Neversoft,

Some dickless fucker took the ST badge off of the rear of my Focus last night with a screwdriver leaving a nice groove in the paintwork... and a missing badge, obviously. I have one simple question...

What ruthless form of revenge can you recommend once I find out who did it? I'm thinking along the lines of a cheese grater, their penis and some salt but will welcome any better suggestions.

Posted by Mystic Slippers on 10-19-2006 12:24 AM:

quote:
Originally posted by Vampire
What ruthless form of revenge can you recommend once I find out who did it?

Depends on what you call 'revenge'.

A simple cricket bat to the face revenge or the kind of revenge you'd happily do 25 years for?

Focus ST's are alright, i'd rather have a Civic Type R or save a bit more and get a used TVR.

Posted by Vampire on 10-19-2006 12:34 AM:

quote:
Originally posted by Mystic Slippers
Depends on what you call 'revenge'.

A simple cricket bat to the face revenge or the kind of revenge you'd happily do 25 years for?

Focus ST's are alright, i'd rather have a Civic Type R or save a bit more and get a used TVR.

I want to make the motherfucker so scared that they'll shit their pants when it dawns on them what I will do to them.. and then leave it at that. I prefer psychological trauma as opposed to blunt trauma. It lasts a LOT longer.

ps. I'd probably have gone for a Civic Type-R but it wasn't on the company car list.

Posted by Mystic Slippers on 10-19-2006 01:01 AM:

quote:
Originally posted by Vampire
ps. I'd probably have gone for a Civic Type-R but it wasn't on the company car list.

A Focus ST is still a bloody nice car to have though!

Posted by Vampire on 10-19-2006 01:02 AM:

quote:
Originally posted by Mystic Slippers
A Focus ST is still a bloody nice car to have though!

True - although the fact that Kippa is getting one must surely depreciate the value.

Posted by Mystic Slippers on 10-19-2006 01:03 AM:

quote:
Originally posted by Vampire
True - although the fact that Kippa is getting one must surely depreciate the value.

He's a cunt. Sell it quick.

Posted by stickywicket on 10-19-2006 09:09 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by Vampire
I want to make the motherfucker so scared that they'll shit their pants when it dawns on them what I will do to them.. and then leave it at that.

The knob in question was probably a 'back of the head' cap-wearing chav who can't keep his hands out his pants soooo why not, once you apprehend the suspect, grab him - dump him in the boot and ditch him 2 cities over with no phone and no money, then drive home happy in the knowledge that his parents probably would be the first to pat you on the back...

Posted by Neversoft on 10-20-2006 03:29 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by Vampire
What ruthless form of revenge can you recommend once I find out who did it? I'm thinking along the lines of a cheese grater, their penis and some salt but will welcome any better suggestions.

I'd recommend going medieval on their arse... Might I suggest "Breaking on the wheel"

__________________
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people actually enjoy gang rape.

Posted by ron989 on 10-21-2006 07:31 PM:

:: problem fixed. carry on

Posted by FurbtasticMan on 10-22-2006 01:29 AM:

Sorry this is a bit wordy, but a real moral dilema:

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus...

An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life.
The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first.
Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.

He simply answered:
"I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.

Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

HOWEVER, the correct answer is:
Run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

God, I just love happy endings.

__________________
My New Hot Favourite - http://www.gadgets4nowt.co.uk

Posted by cobalt on 10-22-2006 01:57 PM:

Neversoft,

Can you suggest the best MP3 to FM transmitter gadget, such as the iTrip, but for use with a non iPod mp3 player in my new car?

Also, is there a way to work out the total cubic feet/meter/miles of air in our atmosphere? No reason really just intrigued.

Cheers

ps. one more thing - is it possible to change my name on this little corner of the internet to include a capital C, so it would be "Cobalt" as apposed to "cobalt"?

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