VCDQuality Forums - Ask "Auntie" Neversoft

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Posted by Neversoft on 06-02-2008 04:10 PM:

Ask "Auntie" Neversoft

Hello dearies. You may be aware of my sexy alter-ego who imparts useful advice on any subject in this forum. For years he's answered questions on a myriad of topics and most of the time, didn't fuck it up. Well, now he's wearing a dress and a new psychosis and feels compelled to give out personal advice too:

Is teenage angst getting you down?
Depressed by premature ejaculation?
Are you unsure what to do with that unsightly wart?
Do your colleagues think you're a cunt?
Do you soil yourself in the presence of an attractive woman?
Do you suffer from peronies disease to the point that you can cum up your own ass?

I CAN HELP!

Obviously I realise that none of you have problems so feel free to post them on behalf of your "friends" instead... I wont judge, I'll do my best to help, even if you sicken me to the core

Posted by Avenue_1 on 06-02-2008 06:43 PM:

My friend confessed that when he was younger he used to dig his mothers soiled panties out of the laundry basket and masturbate while enjoying the aroma. Is this normal, have you done it yourself & Should i slap him or shake his dirty hand?

Yours,

Dave.

Posted by Neversoft on 06-02-2008 07:39 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by Gimp Mask
My friend confessed that when he was younger he used to dig his mothers soiled panties out of the laundry basket and masturbate while enjoying the aroma. Is this normal, have you done it yourself & Should i slap him or shake his dirty hand?

Yours,

Dave.

Many teenagers go through an "experimental" phase with their sexuality but rarely does it manifest as an Oedipus Complex. I have to confess to knocking one out into one of my ex-girlfriends, sisters undercrackers once (or twice); but frankly my Mum's grundies aren't sexy enough and it's a bit weird... So long as your "friend" isn't still doing this we'll put it down as a developmental phase and stop worrying about it. If however you suspect he may still be doing it, an anonymous letter to his mother written in cut-out newspaper clippings should hopefully curtail his behaviour or at least get her to go commando.

Another option is for his mother to start wearing his fathers underwear... A 50/50 chance on snatch or ball-sweat is enough to put most people off.

Posted by monty23 on 06-05-2008 09:07 PM:

Dear Auntie Neversoft,

Like a cunt I have purchased an item off the internet from what purports to be a Uk based website.

On completion of the transaction I discovered they are based in Pasadena.

I paid with my Debit card, they sent me an empty (i-pod touch) box and are not responding to my e-mails.

Do you know where I can buy firearms?

Or failing that how to get my money back?

Thanks for the jumper at xmas btw, it fits perfectly!

Scott.

Posted by OSH on 06-05-2008 09:30 PM:

Was buying a douche for my ass the way to go, or would an enema/colonic have been more appropriate?

Posted by Neversoft on 06-06-2008 05:20 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by monty23
Dear Auntie Neversoft,

Like a cunt I have purchased an item off the internet from what purports to be a Uk based website.

On completion of the transaction I discovered they are based in Pasadena.

I paid with my Debit card, they sent me an empty (i-pod touch) box and are not responding to my e-mails.

Do you know where I can buy firearms?

Or failing that how to get my money back?

Thanks for the jumper at xmas btw, it fits perfectly!

Scott.

Wrong thread bitch, this one is for personal problems

quote:
Originally posted by Objectivist Seal Hunter
Was buying a douche for my ass the way to go, or would an enema/colonic have been more appropriate?

It depends on what you're trying to achieve... Are you simply cleaning your colon or seeking pleaseure or relief?

Posted by XXXBoX on 06-06-2008 11:04 PM:

Do you think there is any hope of me finding a good looking girl who isnt totally screwed up in the head? I seem to find that *ALL* good looking women have serious issues and are a bit psycho especially after you sleep with em a few times.

Could it be something in my cum that makes them this way? should i see a doctor?

Posted by Avenue_1 on 06-06-2008 11:12 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by XXXBoX
Do you think there is any hope of me finding a good looking girl who isnt totally screwed up in the head? I seem to find that *ALL* good looking women have serious issues and are a bit psycho especially after you sleep with em a few times.

Could it be something in my cum that makes them this way? should i see a doctor?

That is a good question, from my experience most if not all good looking girls love cock. attention & cock. I reckon the only way to find a decent good looking one is to start lurking around churches.

__________________
I'M NEVER COMING BACK TO THESE FORUMS... BOOHOOHOO

OH WAIT...I'M BACK

Posted by OSH on 06-06-2008 11:31 PM:

What Gimp said. That or if you're truly desperate pull a Michael Myers and post up outside of an elementary school. Those girls shouldn't be too fucked in the head (psycho yet). LOLobo can tell you more on how to do this, or the best way to go about doing so.

Posted by LOLobo on 06-07-2008 06:11 AM:

Actually I fuck psycho women too Just out of high school though.

Posted by Neversoft on 06-09-2008 03:55 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by XXXBoX
Do you think there is any hope of me finding a good looking girl who isnt totally screwed up in the head? I seem to find that *ALL* good looking women have serious issues and are a bit psycho especially after you sleep with em a few times.

Could it be something in my cum that makes them this way? should i see a doctor?

It's only the good looking ones that have issues? I think you'll find that all women exhibit various psychosis but we're used to most of them and are therefore "blind" to them. Good looking women are only different in the sense that they're less inclined to hide their psychosis cos they think you'll put up with it, to counteract this, treat them like shit and if they have any faults (such as a big nose) take the piss out of it. Oh, and call her fat, even if she's a waif

Posted by I don't computer on 06-09-2008 09:33 PM:

Dear Auntie Neversoft, is it a bad idea to jerk off before i see my girlfriend?

Posted by Avenue_1 on 06-09-2008 09:39 PM:

Dear Auntie, can i have a glimpse of your baps?

__________________
I'M NEVER COMING BACK TO THESE FORUMS... BOOHOOHOO

OH WAIT...I'M BACK

Posted by Neversoft on 06-10-2008 12:22 AM:

quote:
Originally posted by I don't computer
Dear Auntie Neversoft, is it a bad idea to jerk off before i see my girlfriend?

No, many men (including myself) have used this "technique" to prevent them from emptying both barrels the moment you enter the dung funnel. Not only that, your girlfriend could have a face like a horse will Bells Palsy and fapping is the only way you'll get to picture yourself screwing anything better.

Pro-tip: If she ever asks if you wank, tell her it's only when you miss her and you think about her when beating off... She wont believe a word of it but you should still get a fuck out of it.

Posted by Neversoft on 06-10-2008 12:31 AM:

quote:
Originally posted by Gimp Mask
Dear Auntie, can i have a glimpse of your baps?

I only have one in the centre of my chest, close friends call me "Cyclops"

Posted by LOLobo on 06-10-2008 05:37 AM:

Dear Auntie Neversoft:

I licked my screen, am I a homo?

Posted by aWe on 06-10-2008 09:41 AM:

Auntie Neversoft,

You must really be getting bored up in here.

here is a question, what will be the winning lottery numbers to the next 649 draw here in canada dated July 5th 2008.

Thank you in advance i have already spent the winnings.

__________________

IRC://IRC.EFNET.NET/VCDQUALITY
IRC://IRC.EFNET.NET/prolifeabortionists
"@Dwaggy · pirates are hella kinky
Avenue_1 · how do u know this?
@Dwaggy · i'm a pirate"

Posted by Darlowad on 06-10-2008 04:08 PM:

dear auntie neversoft

i hope you dont mind but i may have arranged some male company for you ( see para's exercise regime thread for more info )

__________________
A Vote for Ave is a Vote for FREEDOM!

Posted by Neversoft on 06-10-2008 06:21 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by LOLobo
Dear Auntie Neversoft:

I licked my screen, am I a homo?

Even I licked the screen... But you're still a homo.

Posted by Neversoft on 06-10-2008 06:27 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by aWe
Auntie Neversoft,

You must really be getting bored up in here.

here is a question, what will be the winning lottery numbers to the next 649 draw here in canada dated July 5th 2008.

Thank you in advance i have already spent the winnings.

Thank you for your concern, but it's misplaced... If I ever start to get bored i just chat to the voices in my head.

Your question isn't really relevent to this thread (post it in "Ask Neversoft" preferably on July 6th).

Are you sure you don't have any personal issues you need help with? Do you have chlamydia?

Posted by Neversoft on 06-10-2008 06:32 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by Darlowad v6.0b
dear auntie neversoft

i hope you dont mind but i may have arranged some male company for you ( see para's exercise regime thread for more info )

He's not really my cup-of-tea, I prefer my men to be powerfully-built, smoke stogies, have tattoos and a really nice cunt... Like Buck Angel. Thanks though, but if I'm gonna fuck the mentally handicapped they'd better be drooling first (although I prefer to call it a self-basting mouth).

Posted by Bit_Confused on 06-10-2008 06:56 PM:

Your Welcome Auntie <<< NSFW

::EDIT - I wont derail my own thread by replying so I'll just edit it in here. That's possibly the sexiest thing I've ever seen... Oh, and I added the NSFW tag - NS::

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