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Best fart & best shit

its not often normal every day functions stick in memory.
but here's mine.


about 15 years ago i was at my front door on the 4th floor.
unlocking my door i let one almighty gruff RIP.
this fucker hurt.
but what got me was that some how it was heavier than air.
as i couldn't smell anything, but 4 floors down my pal just entered the building and began gagging.
seems my air bomb had taken the form of dry ice, like from them cheesy 80s pop videos
and sunk to the lower floors leaving my floor free of Oder.


The Power Dump.
on my way to hollidays about 8 years ago i boarded the plane.
took my seat and we took off.
i was feeling fine, no gut rot or warning of impending poo poo.
the seat belt light went out and i decided to take a dump.

dropped trow to half mast and took my place on the thrown.
without warning the mother of dumps began,
what lasted for 30 seconds of non stop pooping felt like a lifetime.
without pause the torrent continued.
My whole life flashed before my eyes, and I'm sure i entered a alternate universe for a split second.

then it was over.....

nothing, not a bean, no ill feeling what so ever.
i felt reborn, rejuvenated and about 3 stone lighter.

This shit came from nowhere, perhaps it was the pressure difference?
dunno, but that dump will stay with me forever.

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Thanks for this.

If this isn't a dupe I would be very fucking surprised.

I got a new jacket once had my keys in a pocket that i wasn't familiar with.
Was at my back door at 5 in the morning steaming drunk
Could feel the keys but couldn't get them out was dying for a shit.
Didn't use my brain and drop my trousers and shit in garden, I just shit myself. lol

P.S. that was my worst shit not my best.

I was with ManCandy and a few of his friends. He had to go up North so I went with him. On the way up there I got really bad gas, I drank my self into oblivion the previous night. So we stopped at this gas station we all got out, I farted and it was soooo bad ManCandy's friend started vomiting for 5 minutes straight. It was rank.

This is a new low for this forum...

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a fat mans flatulance....people have lasted longer in the gas chambers of auschwitz

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zooted adj : 1. under influence of drugs: relaxed, excited, or euphoric from taking illegal drugs, especially marijuana ( slang ) 2. intoxicated: very intoxicated ( informal )
looter n. : someone who takes spoils or plunder (as in war) [syn: plunderer, pillager, spoiler, despoiler, raider, freebooter]

quote:

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Originally posted by 404notfound
This is a new low for this forum...

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(and it's not a new low for this forum, we've been scraping the barrel for years)

I had "corked" diarrhoea the other day, I was sat on my throne but the force of the blast actually caused shit-water to find it's way UNDER the seat and all over the cistern, floor and my legs... Luckily my bathroom is tiled, otherwise I'd still be sobbing.

Erm, I'm submitting this as my best fart and shit "combined"