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Arthur Daily
Feb 2004


Moderator

Dave the hen

Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking
drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke, he
found a strange man standing at the end of his bed. 'Who the hell are
you?', demanded Dave , 'and what are you doing in my bedroom ?'

The mysterious man answered, 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter .'

Dave was stunned. 'You mean I'm dead !!! That can't be, I have so much
to live for - and I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . You've got
to send me back straight away.'

St Peter replied, 'Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.
We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.'

Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his
house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking
around, pecking the ground.

'This ain't so bad', he thought until he felt this strange feeling
welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said,
'So you're the new hen, How are you enjoying your first day here ?'

'It's not so bad', replies Dave , 'but I have this strange feeling
inside like I'm about to explode.'

'You're ovulating', explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before.'

'Never', replies Dave .

'Well just relax and let it happen'.

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him
and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood
for the first time.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming
and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that
ever happened to him . . . Ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting..

' Dave , wake up, you drunken bastard. You've shit the bed !!'




(this laded in my inbox some weeks back, but wth, its a slow night at vcdq so here ya go)

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Old Post 09-24-2008 03:41 AM
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LOLobo
Jan 2003


Canis rufus atheist

naice.

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Old Post 09-24-2008 05:44 AM
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Mother
Aug 2003


Bitter, miserable twat.

Copied and forwarded to office colleagues.

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Old Post 09-24-2008 01:51 PM
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gizmojo
Jan 2007


Member

quote:
Originally posted by Mother
Copied and forwarded to office colleagues.


Ditto. Its a slow day, got any more?

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Old Post 09-24-2008 02:06 PM
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Arthur Daily
Feb 2004


Moderator

quote:
Originally posted by gizmojo
Ditto. Its a slow day, got any more?




The Blonde Handywoman

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a 'Handywoman' and started canvassing the neighborhoods.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said. 'How much will you charge me?'
The blonde quickly responded, 'How about $50?'
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?'
He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'
The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes .'
A short time later, the blonde handywoman came to the door to collect her money. 'You finished already?' the husband asked.
'Yes,' the blonde replied, 'and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge .'
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.

'And by the way,' the blonde added ... 'it's not a Porch -- it's a Lexus.'

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Old Post 09-24-2008 03:33 PM
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LOLobo
Jan 2003


Canis rufus atheist

dr; miss u arthur; durnx :*

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Old Post 09-27-2008 07:29 AM
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