A husband, wife, and mother in law are walking threw the desert.
the mother in law comes up to a lamp, she picks it up and a jeanie comes out and said i will grant you each a wish. the mother in law said " id like a house in the alps" poof she disappears and is now in the alps. THe wife said " great id like to live on a hot beach and never have to work " poof she disappears and is now on a beach.

The husband looks at the jeanie and said " let me get this straight, their half way around the world, and i would have to be rich to go back and forth to see them correct!? yes said the jeanie, husbands responce " i'll take a coke please

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Straight out of karate Lessions, to register these hands as wepons!

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that wasn't very funny

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The Shning - plenty of silly pics - My blog, hosted by BoH

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guess im just simple

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Straight out of karate Lessions, to register these hands as wepons!

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it was an amusing chuckle for about 2 seconds

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"If somebody said to me, in twelve years you’ll be in a band with your brother and two carrot munching geezers who don’t like football, I would've said 'fuck off, I’m not joining the Bee Gees." -Noel Gallagher 2005

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made me smile

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Those who failed to oppose me, who readily agreed with me,
accepted all my views, and yielded easily to my opinions,
were those who did me the most injury, and were my worst enemies.
--Napoleon Bonaparte

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Yeah I had a chuckle myself

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I had no reaction, but a coke does sound good now.

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how do you get 4 gay guys to site on a barstool? Turn it upside down.

What do u call an old prostitute? A dinowhore.

Just some lame jokes i heard, funny for a lil bit tho.

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A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He sets it down on the bar and loudly declares "I bet anyone in here $50$ that this octoupus can play any instrument you give it."

After a few minutes of silence a man brings over a guitar and hands it to the octopus. The octopus tunes the guitar and begins to play Stairway To Heaven. After a few bars the octopus hands the guitar back to the man, who then hands the owner $50. Another man brins up a trumpet and hands it to the otopus. The octopus picks it up, emptys the spit valve and plays handful of bars of Coltrane. After handing back the trumpet the octopus quickly grabs $50$ dollars from the man and buys a shot at the bar.

About 20 minutes the bartender slaps down a 100 dollars and a set of bagpipes. "If that thing can play these I'll give you a hundred dollars." The owner smiles and slides the bagpipes to the octopus. The octopus slowly turns over the bagpipes and stares at them for a few seconds. The owner bends over and whisper to the octopus, "What the fuck are you doing? Play the damn thing." The octopus replies "Play it?? If I can figure out how to gt these pajamas off, Im gonna fuck it!"

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A guy is walking down the street, sees a beautiful
woman with a very short skirt, approaches her and
says, "My god, you're hot!!! With that look, I've GOT
to make it with you! I can't help myself, and no
matter what, I've GOT to have you!"

The woman is very shocked and asks him, "What!? HERE?
In the middle of the street!?" The guy answers, "I've
got to have you now! So I'll make you an offer. I'll
drop $500 on the sidewalk and, while you're picking it
up, I will do everything I want. OK?" The lady seems
to be in intense thought. Then she calls her friend.
She tells her friend the story, looking for some
advice. The friend says, "It's no big problem.

When he drops the money, you pick up the $500 fast,
and he won't even have time to get his fireman out of
his pants before you finish picking it up. Just take
the money and run!" The next day, the friend sees the
woman walking like an old woman.

The friend asks, "What happened to you!?" The woman
answers nervously, "That son-of-a-bitch dropped $500
in quarters!"

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Straight out of karate Lessions, to register these hands as wepons!

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A Welshman, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck:

They found themselves stranded on a desert island. After being there for a while,they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Welshman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Welshman took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful the Welshman had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to the evening ritual. It was another beautiful evening, red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously and whispered in her ear.......................

"You wouldn't mind taking the dog for a walk would you "

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Statistically... 9 out of 10 people actually enjoy gang rape.

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Miller
A husband, wife, and mother in law are walking threw the desert.
the mother in law comes up to a lamp, she picks it up and a jeanie comes out and said i will grant you each a wish. the mother in law said " id like a house in the alps" poof she disappears and is now in the alps. THe wife said " great id like to live on a hot beach and never have to work " poof she disappears and is now on a beach.

The husband looks at the jeanie and said " let me get this straight, their half way around the world, and i would have to be rich to go back and forth to see them correct!? yes said the jeanie, husbands responce " i'll take a coke please

---

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A blackman walks in adsa, unzips his pants, lobs his nob on the counter and says "Roll that back!"

Gotta be from Uk for that 1 really, and even then it lacks somewhat

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Jeremy Clarkson: 'So, you won one championship, but Schumacher has now won three. Who's better?'

Damon Hill: 'Me'

Jeremy Clarkson:: (laugh)

Damon Hill: 'When he wins a championship at 37 years old with four kids, a 25 year old team mate and is being barged off the track by someone in their 20's with no concept of danger, I'll believe he's at least equal to me!'

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thats right kids, in the end cooperate america always wins.

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Military Camel

The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert.

During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

"Well, sir," is the nervous reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ... m-m-m.... urges. That's why we have the camel, sir."

The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."

About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges.

Crazy with passion, he asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.

Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has wild, insane sex with the camel.

When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"

"Uh, no sir," the First Sergeant replies.

"They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."

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ULTRA BUMP

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The joke threads are getting as bad as the video threads were, so taking a page from Dwaggy's book, this is the place to post jokes.

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wow i posted here?

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SOBAKU!

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what happened to Miller, i used to hate that faggot.

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