quote:"Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML"
me and the girl just spent the last half hour browsing and laughing
thanx
__________________ zooted adj : 1. under influence of drugs: relaxed, excited, or euphoric from taking illegal drugs, especially marijuana ( slang ) 2. intoxicated: very intoxicated ( informal ) looter n. : someone who takes spoils or plunder (as in war) [syn: plunderer, pillager, spoiler, despoiler, raider, freebooter]
It might have started off ok, then as the pages were filled, the stories look to have become crap.
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When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over.
There comes a point in your life when you realise;
who matters,
who never did,
who won't any more...
and who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
Had to happen sooner or later, I had my FML day today. I don't know which part I enjoyed most:
Getting up to find that the toilet is blocked and overflowing
Knowing that I can't wait for a plumber as I need to get to a job interview
Considering having to take a dump either in the (exposed) garden or in a carrier bag
Same for having a piss (but obviously not in a bag)
Not having a plunger and actually fisting my toilet to try and unblock it
Pulling up the patio
The first trace of scent as I get the manhole cover off
The delightful belching sound the sewer makes when I put a rod down it
Seeing the last six months worth of shits drop by to say hello
Splashback from the pressure washer
Answering the door to the postman up to my arms in cack and stinking
Not getting the smell off no matter how hard I scrub
Or knowing that I probably smelled during that interview too and there was nothing I could do about it.
So... after my recent excessive binge in Ramsgate for my mate's new kid, I slept on my parent's sofa (I live in Maidstone) before getting up, having a fry-up and generally setting myself up for the drive home.
What I didn't realise is that with all the shit I'd pumped into my system and the profuse sweating that it had induced, I'd actually caused the dye from the sofa cushions to leak out... onto my bald-spot.
....I then went out later that day in Maidstone to my local and had many beers oblivious to anything untoward.
When I got home my missus spotted the back of my head and asked "...um.........have you deliberately dyed your bald-spot black to try and hide it?".
"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?"
Turns out that several people in the pub had spotted it as well and thought the same thing.
I believe this counts as a "Fuck My Life" story?!?!?!
Many years ago I turned up for a meeting with my then new girlfriend at her place of work only to find her having a cozy conversation with my wife. On seeing the two together all I could think was "I am fucked, I am fucked, I am totally fucked" and in the event I was!
Today, I went to a friend's wedding. I took stupid photos all day long and when came the moment that the bride entered the church, my battery died. FML
Today, I was leaving a clothing store when the security guard stopped me and demanded that I surrender the clothing I was "trying to steal" by hiding it under my shirt. It turns out, he was just looking at my pot belly. FML
Was that yours Para?
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When your in a hole put down the shovel.
03-02-2009 01:06 AM
